I had a thought today, while entertaining Aunt Flo: why can’t we abort our uterus lining every month?
And by “abort” I mean, have a trained medical professional stick their little vacuum up the vagina and SUCK out all of the uterine lining (or whatever that disgusting clotted bloody mess is)? Why do chicks have to endure 5 to 7 days of this constant drip? We fix leaky faucets, why not a leaky womb? I mean, c’mon, it’d be like scraping out a pumpkin on Halloween! 
Tampons are fucking expensive. And tell me, was it a man who invented the different types of tampons? Because why on earth would a woman want her tampons to be “super plus” and “super”? Why can’t they be sorted alphabetically or numerically? If you really wanted to continue to crush any sort of self esteem about physical appearance, you could even number them with dress sizes. “I have a size 4 flow – what is your size?”
But I digress, back to the uterine lining. I obviously don’t understand the biology of the monthly menstrual cycle, but it seems like a constant drip; day and night, night and day. So why can’t we fix this? Is there a scientist in a lab somewhere coming up with a way to vacuum out month-old flesh? And I’m not talking about this birth control shit that stops it up to only 3 or 4 times a year – that stuff is all naturale, and if you stop it up, it’s gotta go somewhere, and that just can’t be healthy. (I envision some 38 yr old woman exploding with blood, after years of stored up periods).
In closing: it is raining out today, and I hate the rain. My pants are wet. And I say “fuck you” to all those people who think they’re so deep because they love thunder storms.
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